Dreams

For the last several months I have had a dream repeat itself over many times. It isn't always the exact same, but the story line is similar and the outcome is the same. Here is the gist of it:

I get the news that Mom has died. It is devastating and heart breaking all over again. We sit there next to her body. All of a sudden she will start to breath and then she wakes up. I get so excited that she is alive again. And then shortly after that I wake up.

I had just assumed that this is my subconscious mind wishing that she was still here with me. But this morning when I woke up from that dream I had another thought hit me like a ton of bricks. It was a message to me. That Mom is still alive and well. Her body may be in the ground, but her spirit is alive and well. I am guessing that I have had that dream so many times because I wasn't getting the message. I know her spirit still lives on, but I guess sometimes I forget, or I don't want to think about her death. Whatever the reason I am grateful for the knowledge that I have that I will be able to see Mom again. That she is still able to comfort me, to influence my life, to help me through life challenges. It still sucks. I see other Mother/Daughter things and I get jealous and sad and sometimes a little mad, but that's okay. It's part of my trial to go through. Luckily I have my two sisters who understand and can help me through.

I hope that when I need to get another message it doesn't take as long for me to understand- it probably will though. That just seems to be the way I go.

It has almost been a year.... Sometimes it doesn't seem like that long, other times it seems like forever since I last saw her, or talked to her. I look at her pictures and I can see her actions, hear her voice, know what she would say and do in certain situations. I miss her...