One Year...

It's amazing all that can happen in a year. It's amazing that life continues on even after tragedy strikes. It's amazing the growth of a person when you have to face the reality of a situation. When we hit the one year mark of Mom's death it was harder than I thought. I miss her like you wouldn't believe. I still look at pictures of her and think, "There is no way she could be gone! She is so full of life!" I can still hear her laugh. I look at my couch and can still see the way she would sit on it, the way she would move and adjust herself to get comfortable. I look through my kids clothes and toys and still see the things she has bought for them. I look at my dog and know that she was the one who gave him to us. She is still everywhere around me. And yet she's gone- physically at least. I have felt her influence in my life. I dream about her a lot. I cherish those dreams. To me they are her coming to tell me she is still around. I can't usually remember what they are about, but I know she is in them. I love her, I miss her, I wish I could still have her talk to me. I still have her obituary on my fridge, I can't seem to take it down (funny, it's right next to my Dad's wedding invitation too!). I wish she was still here, but she isn't. I don't understand all of the "whys" but I know it was her time. Luckily for me and my family we have never questioned that. It still sucks. It will always suck. But I am grateful for the time I had with her, for all that she taught me, for the example she has set.

I love you Mom. I miss you.